Tuesday, April 22, 2014

oh i did stuff....

I think it's pretty important to somehow make a collection or list of your accomplishments, even if you don't think it's a big deal. It's nice to actually see what you have done in one place. I'm trying to put together portfolios now, at least get all my "showable" artwork in one place, and golly do things get lost in lots and lots of computer files.
I also did some doodles for Easter that I posted on my JennySRP Instagram 

Working on a couple projects at the moment, one worky one and one fun one. Lets home the creativity keeps on rolling!

Monday, April 14, 2014

Launching in 3... 2... 1...


I am pleased to be writing to you all from The World of the Well (instead of the Land of the Sick!!!). I have recovered from my final outbreak of cold/flu and walked ... wait for it...

6 miles yesterday!!!!! I walked two miles two days previous and dreamed and dreamed of being strong and healthy to finish the whole thing and my Matt went with me and we finished the whole walk together! I had a nice long nap after but today I am still feeling great and fine! I would say that is a major milestone! I knew once I kicked the winter bugs I would come out feeling stronger than ever (I'm determined to end this hero's journey in its 7th year!!)
I am weary and tired of dark English days though, and my partner is in dire need of a holiday. However we'll still scraping by on our collected pennies which will hopefully change soon since I am looking for a new job. I really wan
t to jump into full time work now as I am tired of never having any money and want to move on with my life, get married, be able to travel to see my family and enjoy the perks of living in Europe, and to rebuild my life again.  My time is worth more than the few hours I was working retail and I know that the perfect situation is out there for me. I used to be determined to get a job in animation becaus
e I didn't want a job that I hated. However now I realize a job is more about the people and environment you work with every day ... "It's not what you do it's how you do it", and I know I can turn a lot of jobs into an enjoyable experience. I'm ready to give it a go and see where life takes me. Just have to get hired close to home so I can come home for a kip if I need it!

I've also been doodling for the clinic on some themes. I need to turn these into usable graphics soon but I'm trying to do it with no pressure!! No achiever tendencies here :) Have to balance looking for a job and keeping everything else in order.  The important thing is to note that I am HERE at this stage where I am able to even consider these things.

In the mean time I am staying uber inspired by reading Martha Beck's Finding Your Way in a Wild New World. I think many of us with ME/CFS are a particular kind of person described by this book... a WayFinder, brought down by Shaman Sickness. I know it all sounds airy fairy but Martha uses these words simply as story telling mechanisms. She's an ex-morman Harvard educated psychologist and sociologist, Oprah's guru Life Coach, and a recoveree of Fibromyalgia (and she hints at ME CFS too). I HIGHLY recommend this book and all of her other books. I cannot put them down.  Enjoy!!!!
P.S.  In these final stages of recovery I have not been a perfect patient. Living with my partner has made my diet less than ideal (though I do guzzle down some epic juicing from time to time), my meditation practice is spotty, yoga has been replaced with walking (until I have specific muscles that are begging to be stretched), and I am most of all determined to identify places things and actions that set off my stress state. I am more keen to do visualisations to get myself into a state I want to feel, and practice real gratitude and awareness of the things that make me happy.  I drink (decaf) coffee and eat chocolate and even drink alcohol from time to time. I wasn't able to do these things at other stages in my recovery, but now I'm so aware of my body and effects that I can pretty seamlessly move through things I want to do without pushing myself over the edge.
Here's to you and moving on with your journey. xoxoxoxo
oh and here are some really funny raccoons :D

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Sailor Moon catches the Winter Soldier

Becuase she is just that good.
Little painting I did after watching Captain America. So fun! Also inspired by the QPop Sailor Moon show a lot of my fav artists have been drawing for :D

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Permissionless, wild, and free.

I'm pretty sure this is Banksy, please correct me if I'm wrong!
Hello wild and crazy world. I've had one hell of a 2014 so far and it's finally turned over to a new start... or at least a hiatus before a new start.  I've had 6 flu bugs since January, and one week long trip in the hospital with a kidney infection. Through all this I had a very stressful work situation which last month culminated in me handing in my notice and making a trip to head quarters to gain the support of higher ups, which I did, was completely empowering and also so very difficult, emotionally and physically.  I missed my last weekend of work last weekend with another and the worst of my terrible bugs, but awoke Monday with a strange sense of "wow, I just don't CARE anymore." (see all the f--ks I gave )
Months of stress and anguish finally melted away. It wasn't "relaxation" so much as freedom.  My intuition told me to quit back in January, but I promised my partner Matt I would do everything to find a replacement job first. However, when the nightmares wouldn't stop and neither would the immune flare ups he agreed there was no other way then to just cut this part of my life out. (I've already lost an excess half a stone in old stress weight since quitting :D )
I loved my part time job. Getting back out in the world, finding a reason to get pretty every day and being around people and being helpful and useful was extremely rewarding after working at home for 3 years.  Having a "steady" paycheck was so great too. I could actually make plans to travel and see friends and family, and for all of that I am hugely grateful for my job, even if it ended in a less than ideal way.

I have had Rapunzel's reprise stuck in my head on repeat since Monday as well :

Spring in Windsor

While it is spring in England I'm not quite ready to roll around in the mud yet... but I'm hoping this song means that one day very soon I'll be out there running and dancing.  I'm still recovering from this last bug but I'm slowly getting pieces of real life back together again.

I have no idea what the future looks like. Right now I'm struggling to imagine a life possibly without my own children or struggling to live paycheck to paycheck ... but I know that isn't a reality because the future is just mist.  Staying in the present moment is the best ... truly the only way to live life. A great reminder is that what we worry about isn't what happens anyway... something unexpected will always find a way to disrupt your world, for better or worse! So I try to keep that in mind and live right now as if the best case scenario is about to unfold.

One great trick I love for living in the present is the idea "Dress for the Part". There is a spiritual law that empowers a person by allowing him or her to prepare himself for what he wants. If you were already where you wanted to be, what would your house look like? What would you wear? How would you hold yourself? I try to live this by respecting my house as best I can and being extremely grateful for what I have even though of course I want some things to be different.  I want to show the universe I respect the things I have so I can welcome in more.  I dress comfortably, but I am clean and I do my hair and make up even if I'm in bed all day because if fate comes knocking at the door I want to answer with pride.

Respect your life. Show up the way you want the world to show up for you. Personal Responsibility has been the greatest tool of empowerment I have learned on this journey. It doesn't mean you do everything on your own, it means you are your greatest advocate.  As I was just saying to another friend, Help is always out there. It probably won't come from the people or places you think it should, but keep your eyes and heart open and you will find the help you need in wonderful ways. This applies to all situations, not just health problems.

Just 6 more months until I am 30. I love the idea of being in my 30's. I embrace it and I'm excited.  What do I want to accomplish before then?  Right now I just want to be happy. :)

PS Here are the last Crew pieces I put together :D